TRU01: EXTRA, EXTRA

[dm_screen]

[Whether due to lazy staff, a clerical error, or an intent to send a message, each unit in Concord Crossing awakens to a bundled-up periodical on its doorstep in the morning...]

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THE CONCORD TRUTHOGRAM
"The most honest and trustworthy publication in Concord!"

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LIZARD PEOPLE INVADE!
Tiny reptilian residents spotted forming goat-deity worshipping cult; conclusive evidence of Featheraptors interbreeding with sewer pygmies (More on Page 2)

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HEAVENLY BODIES
Astronomers' new sick experiment: Adamantium breast implants? Exclusive candid photos of draconic test subject. Experts agree: They can't POSSIBLY be real. (More on Page 5, with fold-out spread)

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THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN
Eyewitness reports COMMUNIST SUBVERSIVES threatening values of Concord residents; in league with insidious council known as "The French" (More on Page 6, with speculated organizational chart)

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CANDY MAN
Unkempt-looking man spied in clandestine party near Concord Crossing, peddling strange, glowing chemicals as recreational drinks. Are YOUR children safe? (More on Page 8)

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[The Starfallen quickly all congregate on the same page in the Liber Nuntiorum to discuss it...]

Comments

[topgun_textiles]

Okay

What the fuck is this?

[mech_and_mutt]

they think they're a newspaper

[einspine]

HEY!!!

HOW COME THERE'S NO ARTICLE ABOUT COOL AND HANDSOME SKELETONS IN THIS PAPER?!?!

DON'T GET ME WRONG! REPTILES ARE VERY COOL. AS ARE DRAGONS. I KNOW A HANDFUL OF SCALY MONSTERS BACK HOME!

BUT I'VE YET TO SEE ANOTHER SKELETON HERE! CLEARLY, I SHOULD DO MORE TO ANNOUNCE MY PRESENCE AND TO EXPAND MY SOCIAL CIRCLE!!!

SIDE NOTE: I MAY NEED TO HAVE A WORD WITH THIS "CANDY MAN". BECAUSE COOL, GLOWY CHEMICALS ARE VERY PERTINENT IN THE REALM OF SCIENCING!

[topgun_textiles]

THAT'S what you got out of this? Come on, dude.

[lizardtits]

I don't know who the 'candy man' is but you're right, glowy chemicals sound interesting and I may have to get some just to spite this tabloid.

And honestly, with how they're talking, count yourself lucky you weren't mentioned.

[lowercase_dragon]

Wow, wait, you're a skeleton? Are you doing okay?

[dead_people_tea]

Maybe they just aren't that common around here, Mr. Papyrus. I'm sure you would definitely have something written about you once they get to know you.

[He's definitely not the kind of individual you could easily ignore.]

[lizardtits]

I don't know where they got that picture, but I really ought to be paid for them using my likeness.

Also, nothing about me is fake. These little shits are just jealous.

[mech_and_mutt]

I'm just amazed they managed to fit them in a full-page foldout

[dead_people_tea]

To be fair, it is a very nice picture of you. Although I'm not sure what they think about you is fake.

[Someone does not quite understand everything being reported on. Although Velo might have picked up by now that Caduceus isn't the sharpest tool in the shed.]

[mindofathief]

Hey! But you're famous now! Who knows, you might even get fans!

[Duster isn't entirely aware that this can be a Very Bad Thing.]

[unzeal]

Oh my, Miss Velo!
Your d— double page spread...

[kobard]

Yes I agree you should be paid, it is only fair.

...how much, in hypotheticals, would you charge?

[nobold]

This world had never heard of kobolds before our arrival, yet it wasted no time with slander and misappropriation.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

[einspine]

WELL, THAT WON'T DO!!!

I ADMIT THE TERM KOBOLD IS NEW TO ME, BUT I'M WILLING TO LEARN THE TRUTH AND SPREAD IT FAR AND WIDE.

[lizardtits]

Tabloids know no worldly boundaries, do they?

But... if they're saying that your roommate is a god, maybe we could use that somehow...?

[lowercase_dragon]

Hey, cheer up! Sure, some people apparently want to call us names, but that's always been true, right? And this is the first time anyone's offered me a bunch of cash and a place to live! People here are great!

[kobard]

They always underestimate us.

We shall just have to increase our worships to our new roommate deity for good blessings and power.

[lowercase_dragon]

Haha, wow! Someone sure doesn't like us! I'm surprised they didn't just call us monsters and call it a day!

And for the record? There's nothing wrong with offering a little blood tithe to Baphomet every now and then.

[a_sweet_little_peach]

I think they were talking about me, not Baphomet.

[kobard]

Baphomet is a good name, I will start calling him it.

[tequilasunset]

What's a French and how can I get in with them?

[lowercase_dragon]

No idea, but I admire the fact that you saw this paper slandering them and immediately decided you wanted to see what they were about!

[dead_people_tea]

I'm not sure I understand the point of this publication? Is that the right word to use?

[He's just looking at his own copy, confused.]

[unzeal]

Gossip, if my assumption is correct...

[know_the_unknowable]

What exactly is a communist subversive? Or a communist, for that matter. And what is french? I admit to some confusion over


All of these articles.

Nom d'un chien, c'est pas vrai!!

[mech_and_mutt]

They're just a bunch of rumors trying to make us look bad!!

No idea what French is though, maybe they just made it up?

[raisedbybirds]

Who wastes their time writing this?

[mech_and_mutt]

Just be glad you never had to work with them

They're even worse in person