TRU01: EXTRA, EXTRA

[dm_screen]

[Whether due to lazy staff, a clerical error, or an intent to send a message, each unit in Concord Crossing awakens to a bundled-up periodical on its doorstep in the morning...]

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THE CONCORD TRUTHOGRAM
"The most honest and trustworthy publication in Concord!"

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LIZARD PEOPLE INVADE!
Tiny reptilian residents spotted forming goat-deity worshipping cult; conclusive evidence of Featheraptors interbreeding with sewer pygmies (More on Page 2)

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HEAVENLY BODIES
Astronomers' new sick experiment: Adamantium breast implants? Exclusive candid photos of draconic test subject. Experts agree: They can't POSSIBLY be real. (More on Page 5, with fold-out spread)

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THE BLOOD OF ANGRY MEN
Eyewitness reports COMMUNIST SUBVERSIVES threatening values of Concord residents; in league with insidious council known as "The French" (More on Page 6, with speculated organizational chart)

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CANDY MAN
Unkempt-looking man spied in clandestine party near Concord Crossing, peddling strange, glowing chemicals as recreational drinks. Are YOUR children safe? (More on Page 8)

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[The Starfallen quickly all congregate on the same page in the Liber Nuntiorum to discuss it...]

Comments

[lizardtits]

Don't remind me. My normal bra got left behind when I arrived and I've had to make do until I can rebuild it.

[mech_and_mutt]

What was it MADE of?? Spring steel??

[lizardtits]

Partly. There was also a hidden pocket with an extradimentional space. Made it really convenient to not have to carry a bag around, and also a very nice way to smuggle things.

[mech_and_mutt]

[..wait, it was??]

That's not a bra, that's some kinda superhero utility belt!!

Oh well

I'll just have to deal with having you walk around Unit A without one for now

I guess

[lizardtits]

The investment was worth it.

And don't think I haven't noticed where you keep looking, puppy.

50 sol says you haven't looked me in the eyes long enough to remember what color they are.

[mech_and_mutt]

I CAN'T HELP IT OKAY!!

YOU'VE GOT BIGGER TRACTS OF LAND THAN CONCORD AND THE SHEPHERD REPUBLIC PUT TOGETHER!!

[einspine]

WAIT. YOU JUST GOT HERE AND ALREADY YOU OWN THAT MUCH LAND? WOWIE! I'M IMPRESSED!!!

[lizardtits]

[Wow, Red, you just wrote that in all caps right when a bunch of people were looking. Great job.]

[Except the other comment takes her by surprise.]

That's... not the kind of land he meant, but sure. We'll go with that. I am... good at a certain kind of real estate.

[mech_and_mutt]

[To be fair, Red didn't say anything that wasn't known to basically all of the Starfallen by now. Thank you oh so very much, Concord Truthogram.

But he'd just. Sidestep that comment about owning land, because he wasn't sure it could even be real. At least it broke the mood for a moment.]

Emerald

[lizardtits]

Oh, good, you're not totally useless.

[mech_and_mutt]

Keep th

What's THAT supposed to mean?!

[lizardtits]

Don't get me wrong; you're good in a fight, but when it comes to social graces you have about as much backbone as a flumph.

[mech_and_mutt]

[The sound of the word alone was enough to tell him that was not a flattering comparison.]

Don't make me come in there.

[lizardtits]

I can't stop you, but do you want to barge in on a girl's room unannounced like that? Think of what this tabloid would say! "Pervert dog peeps on ladies in their homes! (More on page 5)"

[mech_and_mutt]

That's not fair, I live here too!!

[lizardtits]

Not that it would matter much if you barge in on me and I'm lying here topless on the bed. Still a breach of privacy.

[mech_and_mutt]

Wait really

YOU'RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE NOW

[lizardtits]

Yet you almost walked right into it. I can see what you crossed out.

But I'll let you go. There are bigger fish to fry right now. Thankfully, they're sleazy enough to be practically coated in oil already.

[mech_and_mutt]

Okay sure

We can agree on that.

[Crisis averted.]

And I'll ask around the Men-At-Arms Guild and see if they have any metal rated for zeppelin frames

[lizardtits]

I don't know if I'll need st

[Wait]

Hey.

[mech_and_mutt]

[And there's the laughter from the other room.]

Seriously though

Let me know if I can help, okay?

[lizardtits]

Will do.

Thinking on it, though... violence will probably only escalate things further. But what if we fight on their terms? I'm half-tempted to make a publication that will put theirs out of business.

[mech_and_mutt]

What would you write about?

And are these the customers you really want?

People who want to read about lizard sex cults and adamantium breast implants?

[lizardtits]

Nah.

We write scandals and intrigue about the paper itself. Maybe the editor has an illegitimate child? Maybe it could come to light that the writers are getting screwed over in a bad contract? Maybe the entire publication is handled by a shady secret cabal of eldrich abominations who seek to tear us apart because it knows they fear us all working together? We fight fire with fire. Create chaos, maybe poach a few of their writers... Then either we reach an agreement for them to stop or at least stop lying.

[mech_and_mutt]

That's not a topic you can make a newspaper out of

Not for more than one or two issues anyway